Mr Methane throughout the ages
A fart by fart account of Mr Methane's history!
Welcome to the History Page of my website, here you can read a blow by blow account of my Petomanic career at the outer limits of show business by reading through a timeline that celebrates some of the choice and not so choice nuggets from over twenty years at the bottom end of the entertainment industry.
Promoter and Performer Bob Slayer persuades Mr Methane to come up to Edinburgh and give festival goers a Blow By Blow account of his life as a performing flatulist at the 2013 Edinburgh Festival and so Mr Methane - My Life In Farting is born.
Mr Methane says, "The show will be a talk about some of the highs and the lows of my 20 plus years at the bottom end of show business, but you'll probably just want to see the farting so I'll be doing that as well, including all the crowd pleasers: Blue Danube, Fart the Dart etc..
Ringside Seats are available !
Mr Methane is invited to perform at the World Fart Championships in Utajärvi, Finland on Saturday 13th July 2013.
"This is a great honour" says Mr Methane, "Although at 47 I’m past my competitive age to be invited here as a The Godfather of Flatulence – an inspiration to those who follow in my footsteps – or wherever – it is indeed a true gesture in recognition of my services to flatulence throughout the last two centuries".
The singles and doubles competitions are won by Russians Alex and Vlad who travel all the way from Moscow to Utajärvi after hearing that Mr Methane will be performing at the championships.
Cassadee Pope season 3 winner of NBC TV show The Voice tweets on sat 15th June 2013 that Mr Methane is an artist.
"Blown Away" by the accolade Mr Methane syas, "Cassadee is obviously a lady who knows her stuff, if she says I'm an artist then I must be an artist. Its good to see someone as high profile as Cassadee appreciating the finer points of Controlled Anal Voicing and acknowledging my efforts to put the Art into Fart. I wonder if she'll be coming to Edinburgh this August to see my one man show, Mr Methane - My Life In Farting ? If so I'll reserve a Ringside Seat!"
Chat Magazine gets to the bottom of Mr Methane's art with a humurous feature on the Emperor Of Anal Emissions in their, Thursday 07th February 2013 edition. Running with the title - My farts are my fortune! - it contains some brilliant photography by Steve Hill. Mr Methane muses that the article should at the very least make Chats predominately female readership feel a lot better about the men they married.
Mr Methane blasts onto Childrens BBC on Weds 14th Nov 2012 @ 5.45pm making an appearance on Operation Ouch! a brand new 13-part medical series fronted by identical twins Dr Chris and Dr Xand van Tulleken.
Mr Methane catches up with his friend, world record breaking burp champion, Paul Hunn aka The Burper King as they take on the role of impromptu hosts / tour guides to Japanese comedienne Ayako Imoto presenter of the popular Nippon TV show "Sekai no hate made ItteQ".
Ayako was making a special pre Olympic visit to London so Japanese TV viewers could get a taste of what London would be like during 2012.
A great time is had by Ayako as Mr Methane & The Burper King take her to visit World leading London attractions such as the London Eye and the British Museum, as well as trying to establish their own Group World Record for sorting odd pairs of socks outside a pub near the Oval Cricket Ground and playing a video game operated by ones urine in a Gents toilet at a pub in Balham.
A true patriot and believer in his country Mr. Methane attempts to catch the British Nation’s nostalgic mood in its Diamond Jubilee year with his own very unique rendition of “God Save the Queen” on the bottom bugle.
“I’ve spent most of my life looking back so I think I know a thing or two about nostalgia” says Mr. Methane.
“Over the last 60 years the wind of change has blown through Britain and all its pink bits on the map, my latest release celebrates this. When Her Majesty first sat on the throne, it coincided with Edmund Hilary conquering the heights of Mount Everest. I cannot compete with that, but I hope my Royal Fanfare will reach new heights of memorability, after all it went down very well in Sweden a few years ago.”
Back in the 1990′s Mr. Methane performed a rendition of God Save the Queen accompanied by an Ooompah band on the Robert Aschberg Show, Sweden’s top television chat show. One of the other guests was the Swedish Foreign Minister and the performance became a seminal landmark event in the history of Swedish Television.
“This time I’ve kept it short and sweet, not a fully blown rendition, just a little keepsake that people can use as a Ring Tone, I know there’s a joke in there somewhere about being the man who puts the Ring into Ring Tone but seriously I think that this is the perfect gift for everyone! Those that like us and those that don’t. I mean if your against Britain and lets be honest not everyone likes us, then you can have a laugh at us and if your British or get what being British is about then you don’t really care because you already have the capacity to laugh at yourself”.
You can get yourself a copy of Mr. Methane’s sensitive 21st century interpretation of God Save the Queen from the iTunes store. Simply search the iTunes store on your iPhone and select the ringtone option.
Mr Methane comes up trumps with the launch of Fart Greetings, a bespoke video greetings service for fans of Mr Methane and lovers of toilet humour in general.
In a press release about the new service Mr Methane said, "Over the last few years since the explosion of social media I've increasingly had people asking me if I can film personalised fart greetings for special friends and loved ones that can then be download from the Internet. I'm already operating in a niche market with my "Live Fart Shows" and I'd be daft not to explore the potential openings for such a great service so I've decided to give it a go or is that a blow? Basically I read out your personal message to a loved one and then let rip with a fully blown rectal recital to finish things off. When you think about it, its the perfect gift as you can order one for those you don't love as well as those you do".
Radio presenter and massive Mr Methane fan Howard Stern says that he would put Great Britain's professional wind breaker Mr. Methane right through to the semi finals if he turned up at any of the Americas Got Talent auditions.
Talking on his Sirius radio show about his new job as a judge on Americas Got Talent and his experiences so far Howard was asked by his co presenter Robin Quivers what he would do if Mr. Methane showed? Howard replied that he'd put Mr. Methane right through but he thought that they would never let Mr. Methane on NBC, "He wouldn't get on NBC, they wouldn't let him on, but that guy is funny though", said Howard.
When asked if he had ever considered applying for Americas Got Talent Mr Methane replied, "The producers contacted me back in 2008, they were very excited to get me over for the 2009 season but unfortunately we couldn't work the visa requirements for the show out so it all came to nothing. Its really got to be an American show with American acts otherwise there's no point in calling it Americas Got Talent you might as well just call it NBC Talent Showcase or something similar if your going to fill the schedule with acts from Europe and the rest of the world. America is a big country its got lots of talent to fill the schedule, its an American Talent Show for American people, I think it should stay that way otherwise it loses its authenticity".
Brazilian born film maker Yuri A from Switzerland writes to Mr Methane with the good news that her film Cakes & Farts in which Mr Methane made a short contribution in 2004 has now been released on DVD under the new title of Fart Adventures.
Mr Methane tells his fans, "If your looking for another Mr. Methane Lets Rip comedy DVD then this isnt it, Yuri A creates short films about how humans' animal instincts, impulses and desires are culturally negotiated. Her works are 'comedies of errors' linking the dual child-like preoccupations with sentimentality and scatology and she has been faithful here to her original concept back in 2004 when she told me, "Cakes evoke in general only good feelings, while farts, some of the most commonest substances around, shock, repel and offend. But the consequence of a culinaric dish is always a fart. It can not be repressed. This will be shown in the filmproject sparking new realisations and forcing the audience to acknowledge ignored sections of society and to modify accepted values".
"To sum up this is a high end art film about a bottom end subject, it is produced on 16mm film and seemingly shot in the high-key, high-contrast, super-saturated hues of children’s' advertising, Yuris works are also forms of visual nonsense poetry, swaying between being hilarious, mesmeric, and frightening. Indeed, the title of 'Unk' (or “UNKO”), an invented monosyllabic word intended to function through its acoustic qualities and associations, strongly recalls both Dada poems and babes' speech".
Consequently very few of Mr Methane's fan base buy this DVD.
Romanian current Affairs programme "Stirea zilei" (News of the day) hosted by Gabriela Vranceanu Firea broadcasts fake footage of Mr. Methane Farting the Romanian National Anthem during a debate attended by the former Romanian Prime Minister Adrian Nastase which sought to criticise the current ruling Politicians. Angry Romanians enraged that Mr. Methane had insulted their Nation wrote to him and left comments at youtube demanding an apology before realising that they had in fact been duped by the Television Station. The footage was in fact an overdubbed copy of Mr. Methane’s 2009 appearance on Britain’s Got Talent where he had in fact performed to the Blue Danube and Not the Romanian National Anthem. Mr. Methane lodges a complaint with the Romanian Embassy in London demanding a Full Blown apology. The station is later fined 10.000 Lei (approx £2000 GBP) for the indiscretion by the countries National Audiovisual Council after receiving complaints from both Mr. Methane & the Romanian Ministry for Foreign Affairs about the transmission. In their reply to Mr.Methane the NAC said, “The National Audiovisual Council (NAC) received your complaint and we inform you that: NAC sanctioned the broadcaster Antena 3 with a penalty (10 000 lei), because it infringed the legal dispositions reffering to the public right of correct information. Antena 3 took over internet an offensatory visual aid for Romania, which was attributed to an English broadcaster without verifying its truthfulness”.
Japanese TV show ITTEQ "Let's go the end of the world" catches up with Mr. Methane at a hotel in Primrose Hill, London. The shows presenter, famous Japanese comedian, Ms. Ayako Imoto has arranged for Mr. Methane to perform a duet with Guinness book of records World Belching Champion Paul Hunn AKA The Burper King in a windowless basement bedroom of the Hampstead Britannia hotel on
Primrose Hill Rd, London. The producer’s claim that the Nippon TV show is extremely popular in Asia, pulling in more viewers than Britain’s Got Talent or the X Factor it will be marvelous profile, however Mr. Methane elects not to chance it and charges an economical, value for money appearance fee for both himself and his ass hole.
Mr. Methane wins the audience vote on TV2 Norway show " Er dette morsomt" ( Is This Funny?), with a barnstorming duet of the Crystals hit, Da Do Ron Ron. He takes away an " Er dette morsomt" winners Sash and Diploma in addition to a reasonably priced appearance fee. While receiving his prizes Mr. Methane is heard to comment, “Great super smashing, this is better than Bullseye though it wouldn’t buy me a railway station in Arkholme.”
Mr. Methane is a special surprise guest on the Danish SBS TV show My Man Can, In ”My Man Can” 4 women gamble with the abilities their partners possess – and put the men’s courage and skills to the test. How far are the men able to go? Which of these women knows her better half best? Which of them will set the stakes too high and drive her partner to distraction? The ladies sit at a gambling table and bet their rivals that her man can accomplish certain tasks and go further than the others. For one of tonight’s certain s tasks a lady has bet that her man can stand having his blindfold removed to reveal Mr. Methane’s ass inches from his face, farting talc at the unfortunate individual before performing a full blown recital of the Blue Danube. It all ends on a positive note as the man is able to keep his composure, the couple go on to win that weeks show and the gentleman proposes to his lady as the end credits roll.
Mr. Methane honks his horn for the Welsh Nation when he appears on the S4C television show - Sioe Tudur Owen. Hosted by Welsh comedian Tudur Owen with the support of a rowdy and enthusiastic audience at Galeri theatre, Caernarfon, Gwynedd in the kingdom of Wales the show celebrates the start of the weekend with more Welsh language humour than you can shake a Leek at. Fortunately for Mr. Methane - who was born just over the border in Macclesfield - his arse speaks the international language of Fart and unlike your average Plaid Cymru politician the Welsh viewers understand exactly where Mr. Methane’s soundbites are coming from.
January is traditionally a cold, dark, dull and drab month but this year there is good news when Jokers Masquerade launches the officially licensed Mr. Methane party costume. Now available from an internet shopping cart near you.
Mr. Methane pays a visit to the Jensen TV Show on RTL Holland, following in the footsteps of celebrities such as Borat, Shakira, Snoop Dogg, Phil Collins and Gordon Ramsey. Its Queens day in the Netherlands and host Robert Jensen invites Mr. Methane to fart along to Wilhelmus van Nassouwe AKA the Dutch National Anthem.
Mr. Methane puts the full force of his colon coughs behind Terry Bossons campaign for a National Oatcake Day on Sunday 8th August 2010. Terry from Biddulph, Staffordshire contacts Mr. Methane in an effort to drum up support for a National Oatcake Day in support of the famous North Staffordshire delicacy.
Legendary Finnish Blues guitarist Heikki Silvennoinen is paying the winter fuel bills by way of another TV acting gig this time as Jim Salabim the magician host of the Jim Salabim Taikashow filmed in Tampere, Finland by Ten Years Production LTD for YLE TV2. In this programme Las Vegas comes to Finland and a goodly number of top shelf Las Vegas acts have been flown in to perform on the show. Despite the presence of all these very loud Vegas Divas telling anyone willing to listen - including those that aren’t - who they’ve worked with, where they’re performing next, how so and so actually stole that trick from them and made it famous, there remains a little something missing, a nice polite, quietly understated, yet fully blown and powerful in delivery English farting act. When its time to walk the walk, talk the talk and shoot the sh*t, then its time for Mr. Methane, Finland’s favourite English Farty Pants.
Bolton Comedian Peter Kay AKA Britain’s Funniest Man publishes his latest book, Saturday Night Peter in which he charts the hilarious journey his career took as he developed and honed his comedy skills by taking to the road and trying out his stand up material in pubs and clubs across the country. On page 95 of the book Peter Kay recalls working with Mr. Methane at the Pleasure dome in Doncaster which is news to Mr. Methane as he has never worked that venue. “I've only ever played three gigs in Doncaster and none of them were with Peter Kay” said Mr. Methane. “The gig Peter must be talking about took place at the end of October 1998 in the Belfry Hotel, Sutton Coldfield, it was a Pre-Christmas sales conference for HMV Records. I was there to promote the release of my DVD, Mr. Methane Let's Rip and Peter was the MC for the evening”
After all the Britain’s Got Talent exposure Mr. Methane feels that he has had enough of the pseudo reality style TV talent show format for a while so when GRUNDY Light Entertainment GmbH ask him if he would like to appear on Das Super Talent the German version of Britain’s Got Talent Mr. Methane says he’ll do it but only if they pay him. Surprisingly the RTL1 talent show producers agree to pay Mr. Methane and even more surprisingly the Windy Hero ends up making it through to the semi finals getting paid for each of his appearances. Some of the other non German performers have invested much time and money being in Germany for the chance of winning the shows 100000 Euro first prize so Mr. Methane keeps schtum about his appearance fees even though some of the more observant contestants smell a rat, suspecting that the Bottom Barking Brit is being financially remunerated for his services. “Its good work if you can get it” comments Mr. Methane afterwards, “I won every show, even the one where I lost!” Eventually at the end of the series Germanys most talented performer turns out not to be a performing Jack Russell terrier called Prima Donna. Who said the Germans didn’t have a sense of humour?
Mr. Methane makes a guest appearance at the 2009 Malcolm Hardee comedy awards in Edinburgh on Fri 28th August 2009 ably assisted by The Scotsman Newspapers chief comedy reviewer Kate Copstick - Kate wore a gigantic balloon on her head while Mr. Methane strategically uncovered his bottom and farted a dart from a blowpipe into the said object.
Virtuoso of the Fender Bass, Andy Till, grabs himself a Ringside Seat at Nottingham University on Thursday 14th May 2009 to witness Mr. Methane perform his set at the Funny Farm comedy club. Commenting after the show Andy said, "That was some show, he blew me away with some serious bottom end work. Bass players around the world could learn a lot from Mr. Methane and his bringing it up from the bottom, low end technique".
Researchers for talkbackTHAMES producers of Britain’s Got Talent contact Mr. Methane’s agent to ask if he would consider making a fast track application to perform at one of their televised auditions. This has happened on previous years as the shows producers attempt to liven up proceedings by cramming a few of the more colourful and already established variety acts into their schedule. In the past Mr. Methane has blown out these offers however the Windy Ones agent feels that this year the show will be at its absolute peak of national popularity so after much arm twisting he persuades Mr. Methane to make an appearance. Mr. Methane is given a range of dates and eventually chooses the Alexandra Theatre, Birmingham on Friday 23rd January 2009. His appearance produces mixed reactions from both the audience and the judging panel. Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden despite laughing out loud during Mr. Methane’s anal recital of the Blue Danube are mysteriously and possibly for the first time ever unable to comment during the post performance summing up. Meanwhile Simon Cowell scripted into the show as the pantomime bad guy looks on with suitable distain and horror branding Mr. Methane a “Disgusting Creature!” The jobs done and everyone is happy. ITV1 gets another 3 minutes of Golden Moment TV and Mr. Methane gets priceless publicity on what did actually – as his agent suspected - turn out to be the best ever year for Britain’s Got Talent thanks to the Susan Boyle SUBO factor.
La Méthode Cauet made by Be Aware Tivi and broadcast on TF1 from Paris is a popular French TV chat show hosted by Sébastien Jean Maurice Cauet. The show content is pretty standard fare in terms of what to expect when you have a professional fart artist on your guest roster what is unexpected though is the shows slavish devotion to keeping the artists travel budget to a minimum. Not wanting to incur the expense of an overnight stay in a Parisian hotel and looking to get the windy one on a cheap evening flight back to Manchester the show is faced with a problem, after the show there is barely an hour to get Mr. Methane through rush hour traffic from downtown Paris to Charles De Gaulle airport. Initial ideas of hiring a motorbike having been kicked into touch as impractical the windy one runs from the studio in his full green and purple super hero regalia into a waiting Ambulance. With sirens, horns and blue flashing lights the evening rush hour traffic is no problem and Mr. Methane’s departure from Charles De Gaulle is in the bag.
The Man Liberation Front TV Show made by Toreador Productions Belgium. Is a show for Men, liberated Men who can behave like liberated men do. Cue lots of scantily clad girls and a guy in a green costume farting to music and doing genuinely stupid arse related stunts. Episode 1 solved.
“An Audience with Mr. Methane” opens up to excited audiences at the Edinburgh Festival. Intended as a conversation whereby local BBC radio personality and Guardian journalist Martin Kelner would be interviewing Mr. Methane about the highs and lows of his show business career in farting, the show rapidly undergoes an unscripted metamorphoses into a format where Martin, a self confessed comedy anorak, badly recites to the audience the best of other comedians jokes that he has heard during the festival while being interrupted frequently by Mr. Methane peddling his own unique brand of humour. It wasn’t in the script but at least Martin seems to be enjoying himself.
The Guardian newspaper runs a feature article on Mr. Methane entitled “The Ace of Trumps”. Not since 1993 when Stephen Pile invited Sunday Telegraph readers to "Ride the Wild Wind" or January 01st 1994 when the Independent ran a front page article announcing that Insurers had refused to cover Mr. Methane’s assets had quality broadsheet journalism probed Mr. Methane’s Bottom Bugle in such detail.
Masterly crafted by Wordsmith and Methane Co Conspirator Martin Kelner, The Guardian Article marked a return of Performance Farting to broadsheet journalism.
The story covered the pairs Edinburgh Festival Show, "An Audience with Mr. Methane" which ran from 09 - 23 August at Venue 64, The Standing Order, George Street, Edinburgh. Ringside Seats were available and such was the frenzy for Martin & Mr. Methane’s festival appearance that papers as diverse and far away as New York and Lahore got wind of its "Impending Opening!"
Mr. Methane makes his first ever Turkish TV appearance on Mucizeler Gecesi. This roughly translates to Night of Miracles! And in many ways getting through this performance is a miracle as the Turkish show made in Istanbul and broadcast on Kanal 1 works Mr. Methane’s butt really hard. However the resulting footage reveals that some really spectacular and very powerful anal acoustics have been captured by the Windy Ones butt microphone during filming.
Mr. Methane is invited round to Podge & Rodges house in Ballydung to see in 2008 on their New Years Eve Show for the Irish TV station RTE2. Also going to the party are former WBC heavyweight boxing champion Frank "Pass Us the Sauce Harry" Bruno and Blathnaid McKenna the beauty queen from County Kildare who represented Ireland in Miss World 2007. Mr. Methane counts down the seconds to 2008 by farting in unison with the chimes of Big Ben while Big Frank Bruno ponders on the exact career choices taken that have led him to be present.
Influential Edmonton Sun newspaper reporter Jim Slotek votes Mr. Methane’s appearance at the 1994 Montreal Just for Laughs Comedy Festival one of his favourite Top Ten moments in the festivals 25 year run. Jim who is considered by many Canadian comedians to be one of the most influential comedy and film reviewers in Canada said, “The best part about his performance was that he opened for Janeane Garofalo, who was furious and completely off her game”.
Mr. Methane rips into Norway like a tornado to record a fibre filled episode of the popular late night Norwegian chat show, Senkveld med Thomas og Harald (Late Night with Thomas and Harold). The show which was recorded in Oslo also featured famous Norwegian author and pop musician Jo Nesbø. Jo famous for his crime novels had just produced a children's book which used farting in its theme so you could say that the show was a colossal collection of colonic comedy!
Mr. Methane makes his second BBC Radio One breakfast show appearance exactly ten years after he opened Glastonbury 1997 with Mark & Lard when they were briefly in the Breakfast Show slot. Mark and Lard have moved on and this time it’s the new boy, a fresh faced Scotts Mills who gets himself a piece of the “Controlled Anal Voicing” action as he stands in for Chris Moyles on the phenomenally popular Chris Moyles Breakfast Show. Meanwhile Chris Moyles listens to the show from the safety of his hotel bedroom many miles away in Florida.
Mr. Methane is a special guest on award-winning comedienne and best-selling author Janey Godleys Edinburgh Festival chat show, other guests on the night include iconic Scottish gay comedian Craig Hill and Paul Provenza, American director of "The Aristocrats" documentary.
Mr. Methane blasting away in a farm yard near Basingstoke, Hampshire with a shed full of cows for a backdrop, it can only be another episode of “I Didn’t Know That” made North One Television Midlands for the National Geographic Channel with presenters Johnny Phillips & Richard Ambrose. But why Mr. Methane’s performance didn’t make past the edit and into the final broadcast we shall never know, maybe he dropped a note or two.
The Clever Show made by Constantin Entertainment for Sat1 Germany is a science based show that likes to entertain so why not have a farting man on the show? Mr. Methane couldn’t agree more and packs his bags ready to jet off to Cologne where once in the studio he performs a sensitive interpretation of that all time popular classic, “Candle in the wind!” With apologies to Reginald Kenneth Dwight and Bernard John Taupin.
Ted - “who’s the governor?” - Robbins has to contend with Mr. Methane’s antics in The Slammer on BBC1. Just like the New Labour Government around this period, “things can only get worse” for Governor Robbins when Mr. Methane looses out to Keith Harris & Orville in the freedom show ensuring his continued residence in the Slammer. It looks like Ted’s going to have to get a gas mask from ebay.
Mr. Methane does a bit of Barking in Berkshire when he makes a midnight appearance on the Comedy & Cabaret stage at The Reading Festival on Friday 25th August 2006. The venue is at capacity as English indie rock band the Kaiser Chiefs from Leeds grab themselves a “Ringside Seat” for Mr. Methane’s one show only, festival appearance.
Irish Rock Star Sinead O’Connor writes to Mr. Methane saying she is a massive fan and wants to order 20 mr methane.com CD’s, 20 Merry Methane CD’s and 20 Mr. Methane Let’s Rip DVD’s as Christmas presents but is having trouble with the shopping cart and can she send a cheque? Mr. Methane obliges throwing an extra 1 of each item in the package for luck plus 4 complimentary Mr. Methane “Eh up Chuck ‘Ave a Whiff of Me Muck”, T-shirts.
Mr. Methane makes a cameo TV appearance as a customer in a corner shop on an advert celebrating 100 years of Cadburys Dairy Milk. The advert is run at the beginning and end of each commercial break during the popular British ITV1 soap Coronation Street. Mr. Methane is blown away by the number of people who recognise him without his mask when the advert is aired in January 2005.
The French TV Channel, Canal Plus is celebrating its 20th Birthday with a big televised TV Show in Paris. It’s the party of the year, the hottest ticket in town. Antoine Du Caunes is master of ceremonies and the guests are a glittering array of international musical talent, acts such as Vanessa Paradis, Youssou Ndour, Neneh Cherry, The Cure and Mr. Methane!
Mr. Methane is a special guest at the Science Museum, London where he demonstrates the art of Controlled Anal Voicing to a mainly family audience as part of an event called 'From Gums to Bum' which traces the journey of a meal through the digestive system.
Mr. Methane travels to Zurich, Switzerland to work with award winning Brazilian born film maker Yuri. A. on her latest project "Cakes And Farts" a 10 minute short film about eating cakes and farting. As well as Mr. Methane the film also stars, Maria, the Butt Dancer.
Q Magazine releases THE 150 GREATEST ROCK LISTS, as a Q special edition in the UK and a MOJO special edition overseas, including the USA. Mr. Methane’s mrmethane.com CD is voted No2 in a chart of The 20 Most Bizarre Albums. “You can’t beat the No2 slot”, comments Mr. Methane!
Mr. Methane is back at The Salon, the popular Endemol UK reality show made for Channel Four TV. Requests for Mr. Methane to undergo a Sack Back & Crack waxing followed by a session in the Spray Tan Booth are turned down by the Windy One on grounds of Health & Safety and instead Mr. Methane undergoes a liberal manual application of Fake Tan. So irritating is the Dog Sh*t coloured lotion to Mr. Methane’s delicate skin that he hits the shower as soon as he gets back to his home in Macclesfield from his day out in the Big Smoke.
While appearing on Britain’s Wildest, a September Films production for Sky One Mr. Methane meets TV celebrity and former Family Fortunes host Les Dennis. Back is the 1990s comedian Bobby Davro had told Mr. Methane that Les was also blessed with the gift of Petomania (Controlled Anal Voicing) and used to give the odd backstage performance for the lads so Mr. Methane takes the opportunity to ask Les if Bobby was winding him up. Les replies that he did have the gift but had lost it in middle age. Mr. Methane wonders if Les’s ex wife, actress and presenter Amanda Holden was ever aware that her husband was blessed with such a wonderful talent steeped in a rich and erudite music hall history but as they’ve not long been separated he decides not to ask him.
Mel Giedroyc presents A History of Wind on BBC Radio 4. The show which gives listeners an historical blow by blow account of the gas we pass includes interviews with Mr. Methane and also Jim Dawson a Hollywood based and self-proclaimed "fartologist" Jim was author of the best-selling book about farting entitled 'Who Cut the Cheese?' a book whose cover illustration was used by other less successful fart related books hoping to share some of its sales success. Jim later went on to release his second Fart related book in 2006 titled, “Blame It on the Dog”, A Modern History of the Fart, which included a lengthy chapter on Mr. Methane called “The Man with the Singing Sphincter”. Jim Dawson is a good bloke and all round top guy.
The Salon a popular British reality show set in a London beauty salon and made by Endemol UK for Channel Four TV invites Mr. Methane to come in for a free massage, however Mr. Methane is disappointed to find out that “Hand Relief” isn’t included. On a more serious note Mr. Methane is shocked by the number of his friends who actually watch the show and live its every moment. “My phone went mad with all these people texting me to say I was on the Salon, I couldn’t believe it, I’d never even heard of the show let alone watched it until they invited me” said Mr. Methane.
Mr. Methane returns to the Aalsmeer TV studios in Holland scene of his 1994, “How Much is that Doggie” duet with Andre Van Duin for an appearance on the Carlo & Irene Show made by Endemol TV for the Nederland BV network.
“Wow Wonderful World” a TV show by Munhwa Broadcasting Corp, Taiwan comes to England to check out the daily routine of a real life performing flatulist. The show follows Mr. Methane as he eats a saucepan full of baked beans for breakfast while discussing forthcoming gigs with his agent, then carries out a few scientific experiments, decibels, wind force; you know all the usual stuff, before hitting the Dog House studio to cut a few tracks and finally at the end of the day going on the town and giving the good citizens of Henley-On-Thames a taste of controlled anal voicing. All in all it’s just another day in the life of your average performing flatulist really.
Martin Kelners Book, When Will I Be Famous, hits the shelves with Mr. Methane getting a (W)hole chapter !!! Unfortunately however sales are not good and Martin confides to Mr. Methane that being only a relative minnow on the BBC artist roster its publicity department are having difficulty in recognising him let alone giving him any time or effort in terms of PR as much larger household names such as Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh are getting all the attention. Mr. Methane concludes that with jokes such as, (usually available on an internet auction near you), circulating the net this book is going to raise the Windy Ones profile less than a small classified ad on Gumtree.
Mr. Methane helps to open a new exhibition called Alpendüfte (Smells of the Alps) at Musee Suisse in the town of Schwyz, Switzerland. During the opening ceremony - officiated by a very official looking Bürgermeister wearing his full regalia - Mr. Methane performs a selection of traditional Swiss tunes for the invited audience of VIP guests, ably assisted in his task by the horn section of the Berne Philharmonic orchestra.
It’s the final week of the Mark Radcliffe Show on BBC Radio 1. Mark & Lard are going to let the show have a lie down and go their own separate ways - Mark to BBC Radio 2 and Lard to BBC Radio 6 - but not before they’ve re lived those golden moments that gave the show a Sony Gold Award for Music Programming in 2001,
The Sony Gold Award for Best Music Show in 1998 & 1999, Melodymaker Best Radio DJ's of the Year in 1998 and NME Best Radio DJ's of the Year 1998. One of those Quality Moments from such a Quality Production has to be a visit from Mr. Methane and his Botty Bugle for a sing a long to some of our favourite Christmas Carols with Mark, Lard, Mr. Methane and making his debut appearance on piano Rusty Mahone of Family Mahone fame. Today’s show is captured on tape for posterity by film maker Katie Barlow.
Martin Kelner, attempts a journalistic probe of Mr. Methane’s act by assisting him with the presentation of his show at a private party for oil industry executives in the city of London. Martin is writing, “When Will I Be Famous?” which in his own words is, “a book about "turns", small-time acts paddling around in the shallows of showbiz”. Martin explains to Mr. Methane that he’s had his own fair share of what he calls, “Elephant Sh*t Moments” having briefly tasted national broadcasting stardom at BBC Radio 2 before being sent back to the shallows of regional BBC Radio at Leeds in West Yorkshire. It was at Radio Leeds where Martin had also missed out on being credited as the man who co created Caroline Ahernes extremely successful Mrs. Merton television show, a title that he felt was genuinely his as was an intellectual share in the shows distribution of royalties, Kerchinggg!!! Even Martins literary and journalistic output is overshadowed somewhat by the fact that his brother Simon Kelner is Editor of the Independent newspaper in London with people in the writing world and Polite Society introducing Martin by saying, “This is Martin, his brother is editor of the Independent newspaper”.
Mr. Methane cant help feeling sorry for Martin and feels that he may possibly be an author who can take the subject of, “small-time acts paddling around in the shallows of showbiz” and write on the subject with a degree of first hand experience and empathy. However Mr. Methane also feels that there is an alarming degree of similarity between Martin and Alan Partridge the Steve Coogan radio cum TV personality comedy character. So alarming is the fusion that Mr. Methane wonders if the only difference is that Martin starts his shows by Saying, “I’m Martin Kelner”.
Mr. Methane licenses clips from his popular home video, Mr. Methane Lets Rip to be used on Tasteful TV, a Ten Alps Productions for Bravo Channel.
House of Astonishment made by Monkey TV for Channel 5. Mr. Methane says, “This for me at least has to be the crappiest show I have ever had the pleasure of appearing on but it’s also a warning that in future I should understand exactly what I am getting myself into before saying yes and turning up at the studio. I was feeling a little low at the time and it (the show) sort of slipped under my, what’s in it for me apart from the money radar. Luckily three people, one dog, two cats and a goldfish watched it”.
Full of pain killers and suffering from a aching back Mr. Methane still manages to pump out a half right, Love Me Tender, Love Me Do, Elvis duet with a female member of the shows audience on the TV show Britt Talk made by Schwartzkopff TV For SAT2 in Germany. Mr. Methane comments, "It was a Jerry Springer type show with a female presenter called Britt. I think it was controversial, though I'm not sure as I was full of painkilling drugs and didn't have a clue what was going on. There was a bit of a language barrier, until I started farting that is, then everybody knew exactly where I was coming from!”
When Eddy Temple-Morris isn’t presenting his legendary “Remix” radio show on London’s XFM radio he can sometimes be found at the outer reaches of broadcasting. The outer reaches in this case being an HTV Wales programme called This Way Up made by Avanti TV at The Pop Factory, Porth deep in the Rhondda valleys of South Wales. Tonight’s star guest is Mr. Methane so the show will contain a few bottom burps. England gets the Manic Street Preachers and Wales gets Mr. Methane. When asked about the show nowadays Mr. Methane says, "What a blast. That was a great show, I really enjoyed my time in the valleys, lots of anal japery in the studio and outside more sheep than Ewe could wish for".
Mr. Methane’s explosive Blue Whale appearance of Friday 26th Oct 01 on the Granada Men & Motors Channel is judged one of the TOP TEN hot-spots of 2001 by the Men & Motors panel. Upon hearing the news Mr. Methane said, "I'm quite shocked to be in the top 10. Men & Motors has a lot of big celebrity appearances, well Big Upstairs if you know what I mean; it's hard to compete against that sort of competition so I'm elated to know that my buns are up there with the countries best loved breasts".
Mr. Methane is back in New York for another appearance on the The Howard Stern Show. Primarily there to promote the release of his new festive Christmas album, Merry Methane – A Feast of Festive Flatulence, Mr. Methane also tests the water for a Broadway Show that Howard says he wants to present with Mr. Methane as the star attraction. To this end Mr. Methane and the E TV cameras go out on the streets of Broadway and entertain innocent bystanders with a rendition of Christmas Carols played on Mr. Methane’s Bum Organ.
James Whale makes a welcome return to television with a series called Blue Whale for the Granada Men & Motors channel. Being the man that first introduced the United Kingdom to Mr. Methane via national television in the 1990s James insists that room is made in the shows schedule for a performance by Mr. Methane.
Mr. Methane explores Joseph Williamson’s secret passages with former Big Breakfast presenter Mike McCLean but it’s not as tawdry as it might at first sound. Joseph Williamson is a 19th Century tobacco magnate known locally as the "Mole of Edge Hill" due to his employing hundreds of men to construct a network of tunnels beneath the Edge Hill area of Liverpool as a work creation scheme in the 1800s and today Methane & McClean are using Williamsons tunnels as a studio during the making a pilot episode of The Crude Facts for Channel 5. The show also contains a scientific explanation of Mr. Methane’s act by Dr Peter Whorwell, a renowned bowel specialist from Withington hospital in Manchester, Dr Whorwell explains how, by raising the diaphragm, Mr. M is able to suck air into the colon through an open sphincter and then close the sphincter before discharging the air. By moving the buttock cheeks, explains the doctor, the pitch and tone of the fart is altered, enabling our hero to build up a repertoire. No jokes about Back Catalogues please !!!!
Mr. Methane flies out to Lisbon, Portugal to take part in The Man Show on Channel, SIC. There is a problem however when the KLM baggage transfer goes horribly wrong at Amsterdams Schiphol Airport and Mr. Methane’s bags don’t make it off the Manchester flight and onto the connecting Lisbon flight in time. Hurried visits to Portuguese costume hire shops see Mr. Methane contemplating making his first ever TV appearance dressed as what looks like a homeless Telly Tubbie when at the eleventh hour just a Mr. Methane is about to step out onto the set, a car arrives from the airport carrying a suitcase containing Mr. Methane’s trademark costume. Mr. Methane was heard to comment, “For a few hours I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world”.
Radical Re-Cut, a show made for the VH1 channel by MTV Networks in New York, gets in touch with the Windy Ones agent. The show likes to radically re edit pop music videos and for a forthcoming episode of the show they have decided to edit “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins with footage from Mr. Methane’s home video, “Mr. Methane Let’s Rip!” The result is a spectacular success, livening up an otherwise very sombre and serious piece.
Mr. Methane returns to New York, USA for another appearance on The Howard Stern Show this time to promote the release of his home video, Mr. Methane Let’s Rip! In USA friendly NTSC format. During the show Howard and Mr. Methane play a game of “Name that Fume with Gay Ramone. Mr. Methane blasts out tunes from his ass and Gay Ramone, who loves ass, has to guess what song it was, for each one he gets correct Gay Ramone wins $100. Mr. Methane's farts were a little smelly during this appearance and assistant producer KC who was holding the fart microphone was very vocal about that. KC said that Mr. Methane’s guffs were burning his eyes. Mr. Methane replied that it was the airline food he had when he flew into New York from Amsterdam with Dutch cheese on the KLM menu seeming to have been the culprit.
When Life at the Sport a TV reality show made by Attaboy TV for CH5 UK about life at the Daily Sport Newspaper gets to grips with Mr. Methane he is signing a record deal with the Castle Select record label for the UK distribution of his mr methane.com album, Mr. Methane seals the contract with a fart!
Mr. Methane films some Butt Pipe Shockers for magician Paul Zenon’s Medicine Show, a Channel 4 TV pilot produced by Channel X Productions; however the show never sees the light of day. Five years later Mr. Methane bumps into Paul Zenon at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and enquires what happened? Paul explains that Channel 4 had to make cuts to their overall comedy budget after Bolton funny man Peter Kay overspent on his Phoenix Nights series, consequently Paul’s Medicine show was one of the casualties. Channel Fours commitment to Peter Kay does however pay them back with big dividends as the “Bolton Funny Man” becomes “Britain’s Funniest Man” or Eh Up! What Am I Doing Here? How Did This Happen? I’m Britain’s Funniest Man! I never planned that! Etc, etc.
Mr. Methane’s makes his debut appearance on Finnish TV. älä katso (Do Not Look) is a programme made by Ten Years Productions for YLE TV2 in Tampere, it features acts that have never before been seen on Finland’s small screen. Mr. Methane’s appearance is later described as, “the best thing that have ever been aired on finish television ever” by one viewer while another respondent calls Mr. Methane, “An Idiot!” What isn’t common knowledge at the time is that this was one of Mr. Methane’s toughest shows to date due to the appearance of a dreaded hemorrhoid just a few days prior to leaving the UK for Finland. “It was a real pain in the arse but we all suffer for our art in one way or another don’t we”, said Mr. Methane
Mr. Methane is back in New York City, USA for another appearance on The Howard Stern Show. This time Mr. Methane is celebrating the USA wide release of his album mr methane.com, 19 tracks of pooping pandemonium on the Oglio record label.
Mr. Methane makes an Anti Racism Advert for Austrian Cinemas. The advert filmed by Neue Film Sentimental GMBH, Vienna, Austria shows a mouth spouting racist comments about immigrants and immigration, however as the camera pans out it becomes apparent that the mouth is in fact a talking arsehole or at least an expanding and contracting sphincter muscle wearing lipstick, provided courtesy of Mr. Methane!
Mr. Methane is firing on all cylinders when he visits the Token Lounge, Detroit, Michigan to drop a few bombs with popular WRIF Morning Show Hosts "DREW & MIKE". The sell out gig has people queuing around the block from late afternoon to get a ringside seat at Mr. Methane's one show only Motor City Blowout . In fact such is the enthusiasm of the large crowd that people who can’t get into the venue content themselves by listening to Mr. Methane’s rectal recitals through the clubs open windows!!!
Mr. Methane makes his first ever visit to The Howard Stern Show @ K-Rock in New York. He is appearing thanks to the hard work of Lenny Shabes, President of WATV. Lenny is a big fan of Howard and becomes aware of Mr. Methane while in London visiting his late friend, artist manager and producer Steve Fargnoli a man responsible for the careers of Prince and Sinead O'Connor. Lenny thinks Mr. Methane is the perfect guest for Howard’s Show and on returning to the States sends a copy of Mr. Methane’s home video “Mr. Methane Let’s Rip” to Howard’s producer Gary Dell'Abate AKA "Baba Booey" following it up with an astonishing ninety odd phone calls until Gary & Howard finally cave in and watch the tape. Howard & Gary like what they see and invite Mr. Methane to the show where he performs a special rendition of Happy Birthday for Robin Quivers. Mr. Methane’s appearance is judged a success and is also shown on Howard Sterns E TV & CBS television shows. Howard Proclaims himself to be a big Mr. Methane fan calling him, "A true Genius. A huge star!"
Austria is poised on the brink of a cultural revolution, never before has it had commercial television and never again will it be the same once it has. Austria's first commercial broadcaster ATV is set to go ON AIR by looking at established Austrian icons in a different light with the advertising message "It's The Same But It's Different!".
With this in mind ATV decides to flush professional fart artiste, Paul Oldfield AKA Mr. Methane out of the closet for their cheekiest advert to date. Lip syncing Mr. Methane’s Bottom with the voice of famous Austrian TV Host Heinz Conrads they create a piece that lives up to its description of the same but different. ATV1 however decides that the advert is too risky even for a ground breaking new medium such a commercial TV and so the Country which gave us the Vienna Philharmonic is deprived of yet another life changing cultural experience.
Mr. Methane’s home video Mr. Methane Let’s Rip is released making history as the first ever video from a performance flatulist.
Mr. Methane makes yet another visit to the Eurotrash studio in Paris bringing some “Festive Cheer” or maybe that should be “Festive Rear” to the popular Channel Four TV show which gives viewers a sneak preview of Mr. Methane’s new home video, “Mr. Methane Let’s Rip!”
A TV advertisement promoting Mr. Methane’s Lets Rip video appears on ITV at times and between shows that one wouldn’t normally expect to have a fart friendly demographic.
Mr. Methane pays a visit to Comedy Café an ITV1 show made in a London Pub by Channel X productions and presented by Charlie Cheese a character played by comedy actor Mackenzie Crook more famous for his appearances as Gareth Keenan in the Ricky Gervais sitcom The Office and Ragetti in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean. Mr. Methane is promoting the UK release of his home video; Mr. Methane Let’s Rip! The perfect Christmas Gift for those you don’t like as well as those you do.
Tarrant on TV a popular ITV1 show hosted by Chris Tarrant shows a clip of Mr. Methane performing the Deep Purple hit, “Smoke on the Water” at a special televised 10th Birthday celebration for TV3 - Sweden’s first commercial television station. After watching the clip Chris Tarrant concludes that, “He wouldn’t like to be stuck in a lift with Mr. Methane! “
Unsuspecting customers at one of London’s top rated hotels get more than they expected when Mr. Methane pops in for a bit of anal japery. The windy one had been booked to perform at the Dorchester Club in the prestigious Dorchester Hotel, Park Lane, by a private party of high class revelers wanting something a little different that wasn’t normally on the menu.
Said Mr.. Methane, "The problems started when it became clear that the annex I was to perform in was not closed off from the rest of the dining room. We were concealed behind a free standing privacy screen but mine is a very audible act and as I started to hit the high notes, not to mention the low ones, it became apparent that diners on the other side of the screen were under no illusions as to what was occurring. The management asked me if I could 'Lower My Volume' on three occasions during the show but it didn’t seem to make any difference, the main room which had been full of diners when I went in, was empty when I came out".
A member of staff said, "It had been difficult for people to continue their meals under the circumstances".
Popular UK TV show Eurotrash runs up to the midnight hour on Dec 31st 1998 and its special guest Mr. Methane helps to “Ring” in 1999 for the Channel 4 viewers with a tender rendition of Auld Lang Syne*, performed in his own unique style. During a break in filming presenter Antoine Du Caunes tells Mr. Methane that whilst out driving with a friend he almost crashed the car because they were laughing too much while listening to Mr. Methane’s music CD.
* The tune Auld Lang Syne is used in the United Kingdom to bring in the New Year; it is a Scots poem written by Robert Burns set to the tune of a traditional folk song.
Mr. Methane flies to Paris to appear in another episode of the popular Channel Four TV show Eurotrash. Here he gets to meet and work with Lolo Ferrari, a French dancer, sex star, pornographic actress, actress and singer billed as "the woman with the largest breasts in the world". Although their size is artificially achieved Mr. Methane concludes that her melons are really massive and that he has never seen a pair of jugs that size before apart that is from the time he attended a sale of Ming Dynasty vases at Sotheby’s Auction Rooms in the 1980s.
Mr. Methane makes a brief promotional visit to Australia where his mr methane.com CD has just been released under the re branded album title, Trouser Trumpet.
Mr. Methane makes history when on September the 1st 1998 he becomes the first ever Petomane to release high quality recordings of his Rectal Rumblings on compact disc. His flatulent album entitled mrmethane.com is a compilation of classical / popular music styles linked together by selected passages from the works of Shakespeare or as he prefers to call it, “nineteen tracks of pooping pandemonium”
Presenters Ed Hall and Colin Brewer get wind of the impending release and invite Mr. Methane to appear on Bravo TV show The Basement, to talk about and perform a track from his new album, mr methane.com. Mr. Methane delivers a tender and sensitive interpretation of “Greensleeves” for the shows viewers, leaving them wanting more.
Meanwhile The Shakespeare Birthplace Trust , a society set up by an act of Parliament in 1891 to preserve the birthplace of Shakespeare and promote worldwide appreciation of his works is not in the least bit impressed by inclusion of passages from the Bard in the worlds first ever musical CD from a performing flatulist.
Speaking on behalf of the trust Director, Roger Pringle said, "I have yet to be persuaded that Mr. Methane's novel approach to reciting well known passages from Shakespeare will illuminate their meaning or beauty”.
While on tour in Australia Mr. Methane does a number of gigs with Simon & Friendy AKA Puppetry of the Penis - a comedy production who later on to become Australian Legends and their show an unlikely Global Franchise Phenomenon. The now legendary double bill of front and back entertainment brings back fond memories for Mr. Methane who recalls,
”The strangest and possibly funniest part of our shows took place backstage before the curtain went up, I would be blowing up my balloons and putting candles on the birthday cake dressed in my green & purple costume while they would be rolling and pulling their phallus's in an attempt to warm them up and make them more malleable while our overtly Male - in fact call him Bloke with capital B - tour manager, a man used to Sex & Drugs & Rock N Roll tours would get progressively more and more uncomfortable with the whole scenario. It was like a scene out of a Quentin Tarantino movie but without the violence.”
When Mr. Methane agrees to appear on Ken Dit a pilot TV show being made for SBS 6 Holland by Jon De Mol Productions at their Hilversum studios he meets a Fire Eating act from the USA who appears to blow a high intensity flame out of his rear end for a sustained length of time, however initial excitement soon evaporates as closer inspection during rehearsals reveals an element of special effects and trickery leaving Mr. Methane feeling deflated.
Mr. Methane flies out to Lisbon, Portugal to make an appearance on Channel 3s the Big Show (sic) the biggest TV variety show in Portugal. Mr. Methane’s performance is however judged to risky for the show and ends upon the cutting room floor. It will be another 3 years before Portuguese cultural attitudes are ready for a piece of the Windy Ones Ass Music.
Mr. Methane makes the first of a number of guest appearances as himself on the 1998 series of Scratchy & Co, a BAFTA nominated ITV 1 Children’s TV show made by Mentorn Films. Scratchy and Co starred Mark Speight as "Scratchy" and Elliot Henderson-Boyle as "Reg".
Mr. Methane headlines a special televised 10th Birthday celebration for TV3, Sweden’s first commercial television station, hosted by Robert Aschberg with a long list of celebrity guests. For the shows Grand Finale Mr. Methane performs a unique rendition of the Deep Purple hit “Smoke on the Water” blowing everyone away.
It’s sometimes hard to understand what all the fuss is about in relation to Mr. Methane and his Swedish TV appearances so we asked Jesper Lögdahl, our man on the inside of Swedish TV to tell us. Jesper explained, “The thing is - when Mr. Methane visited Roberts show “Ikväll” in the early 90s he stunned a whole country. Some was amused and some were appalled by Mr. Methane’s talent however - it was television history. None in Sweden had before seen this kind of a show. Roberts show was a predecessor and Mr. Methane was the one guest that made it happen”. Big thank you to Jesper for helping us get to the Bottom of this matter.
Mr. Methane opens up his 1997 tour of Australia by way of a visit to Channel 9s Footy Show where he celebrates the birth of Australian tennis ace John Newcombe with a rendition of Happy Birthday on the Trouser Trumpet and the blowing out of some Candles on a cake with the same instrument. No one least of all Mr. Methane is prepared for what happens next as to quote the Sydney Morning Herald, “The Footy Show panel turned to rubble, the studio audience was a mix of Animal House delight and gob smacked incredulity, and the phones ran hotter than a Kate Fischer calendar.” Apparently the switchboard at Channel 9 ran so hot that it was overwhelmed with calls, some from parts of Australia that were thought not to get Channel 9s broadcast signal. The shows Director Rory was invited to cash in his pension shares, an offer he refused choosing instead to invite Mr. Methane back to the following week’s show where he was seen to be serving tennis balls to Newcombe by blowing them from out of his bottom. The show was titled, “The Apology” and it gained the largest audience in the Footy Shows history to date with Rory getting to keep his job as in the world of Kerry Packers commercial television network it’s the Bottom Line that counts.
Despite the extremely wet weather and a battlefield like scenario Mr. Methane’s caravan makes it on site just in time to kick off the 1997 Glastonbury festival with Mark Radcliffe & Lard on the BBC Radio One Breakfast Show stage. Mark, Lard & Mr. Methane perform a rendition of the Crystals hit, Da Do Ron Ron with Mark observing that Sting would be using the same microphone on the main stage later that day. Da Do Ron Ron was chosen as BBC1 had just a few months previously edited out a performance of the song by Frank Skinner & Mr. Methane from an episode of The Frank Skinner show on grounds of taste. Also on the breakfast show doing an acoustic set was former Stone Roses guitarist John Squire a man who although born in Altrincham was now obviously down on his luck, living only a few miles away from Mr. Methane. You could say it was a Breakfast show fuelled entirely by Cheshire born & bred guest talent, but that would depend on your definition of talent, not everyone likes the Stone Roses!
While performing at the comedy stage Johnny Vegas comes along to thank Mr. Methane for the postcard he sent from Las Vegas saying in classic JV drawl, “Thanks for me postcard from Las Vegas, I couldn’t believe it, I’ve never had a postcard from Las Vegas, It were brilliant!”
The 1997 Glastonbury Festival was known as “Year of the Mud” so muddy was it that Michael Eavis the festivals founder went public trying to convince everyone that despite the festival site having been expanded to 800 acres with an attendance of 90.000 and an average ticket price of £75 GBP he had spent so much on trucks full of stone chippings and steel roadways to counter the quagmire that the festival was teetering on the brink of financial viability. Wading through a sea of mud in his Dunlop Wellingtons, trying to get from his caravan behind main stage uphill to the comedy tent, Mr. Methane was not convinced, rapidly concluding that farmers really do live on their loses.
Mr. Methane reads in the Stage newspaper that Phil Collins has become President of Comic Heritage. He contacts Comic Heritage and is told by its spokesperson that, “Phil absolutely loves comedy” so with this sound bite ringing in his ears he contacts Mr. Collins to ask him if he will re consider the embargo placed on the release of Mr. Methane’s own version of “In the Air Tonight” allowing it to be released as a comedy single with the proceeds going towards either Comic Heritage or another charity of Phil’s choice. Two weeks later Mr. Methane gets a letter of refusal from Tony Smith, personal & business manager to Phil Collins, in it he says, “This is a very serious song and we cannot see any reason for it to be taken so lightly”.
Mr. Methane packs his bags and jets off to Tokyo for an appearance on Jungle TV, a show made by East Co Inc and broadcast by TBS Tokyo. Jungle TV is a sort of what’s my line kind of show where contestants have to guess what the occupation of the guest is and then the guest demonstrates his art. Needless to say Mr. Methane was rumbled and gave a very special performance as this was the very first occasion on which he would be seen to actually fart a dart into a balloon upon someone’s head. This feat was achieved thanks to members of the shows production team who had developed a light weight dart with balloon piercing abilities especially for Mr. Methane.
Mr. Methane pops into Manchester and makes an appearance on “Coming Soon”, a Granada Men & Motors show made by Granada – Sky Productions and hosted by the lovely Jenny Powell plus, erm……. Well er, we’ve forgotten who the others were, not that they weren’t good or anything it’s just hard to remember who else was in the room when Jenny Powell is around.
After experiencing trouble in getting musical clearance from publishers for requested tunes Mr. Methane finally gets the OK to blast out a rendition of the 1926 Ray Henderson & Mort Dixon song, “Bye Bye Blackbird” accompanied by “Pete’s Pop Band” the shows studio band featuring bassist Pete Clarke. Paul Shaffer & David Letterman eat your heart out.
Mr. Methane makes an appearance on F2F, a Granada Talk TV show made by LWT Productions at the LWT studios on the bank of the river Thames in London. Presenting the show is a very young and fairly new to television Sacha Baron Cohen of Ali G, Borat & Brüno fame. Mr. Methane & Sacha have a game of blow football; Sacha uses his mouth and Mr. Methane, uses his….. Well erm, you get the idea. Also on the show is a segment featuring Kristo, a fictional television reporter from Albania who would later develop into Borat Sagdiyev.
Mr. Methane makes the first of a number of guest appearances as himself on Scratchy & Co, a BAFTA nominated ITV 1 Children’s TV show made by Mentorn Films. Scratchy and Co starred Mark Speight as "Scratchy" and Elliot Henderson-Boyle as "Reg".
Mr. Methane sings a duet of the Crystals hit Da Do Ron Ron with British comedian Frank Skinner on his BBC1 chat show. Unfortunately Frank is already in hot water due to comedy sketches on the previous week’s show and BBC executives tell producers Avalon TV that the duet must be edited out. Frank says that he thinks it should stay in but the BBC insists that it is cut and tell Frank that he is on his final warning. UK Newspaper headlines read, “Clean it up, comic warned”, “Frankly who needs good taste”, and “Beeb pulls plug on bum notes”.
During production of the show Frank Skinner and Mr. Methane get chatting about Mr. Methane’s hometown of Macclesfield. Frank says he did his first paid gig in Macclesfield and nearly drove off the road just after leaving the M6 at J18 as he thought the Jodrell Bank radio telescope with its dish tilted towards him was a giant flying saucer! He mentions that the gig was at the Screaming Beavers club, a major coincidence as Mr. Methane made his first public appearance at the very same club, a club which is also reputed to have hosted the first appearance of actor, writer & comedian, Steve Coogan who on his triumphant second return appearance was heckled off by a local pub celebrity and mentor of village idiots who shall not receive the oxygen of publicity on these pages by means of identification as he selfishly spoilt the evening for others.
On the subject of heckling it later transpired that Mr. Methane’s former workmate and one time performing partner, Paul Genders was the man who heckled Frank on that historic evening using the age old line, “Taxi for Frank Skinner!”
Mr. Methane pays a flying visit to TV Norge’s Oslo studios in Norway where he makes an appearance on “Comeback” hosted by Hallvard Flatland. Then its back to BBC Radio 1s Manchester studios on Oxford Road for more Christmas carols with Mark Radcliffe & Marc Riley, AKA The BBC R1 Mark & Lard Show, before rounding the year off with an appearance on the Christmas edition of the Channel 4 TV show, Eurotrash. On this edition of Eurotrash Mr. Methane welcomes the viewers to his home, the fire is lit, the tree is up and friends have gathered for a festive sing-along, its all very Bing Crosby at Christmas in style and the night is being recorded for possible inclusion in the Mr. Methane Christmas album, Merry Methane. Helping out Mr. Methane’s bottom and his carol singing chums is Jez on piano and Doc Cox on ukulele. Doc Cox a former journalist on the BBC1 TV show, “That’s Life” presented by Esther Rantzen is quite possibly better known as the recording artist Iver Biggun, of the “W*nking Song” fame but don’t worry even though this was Channel Four and Eurotrash was known for being risqué Ivor strummed on the appropriate instrument keeping the other tucked well away in his pants during the (W) hole production.
Mr. Methane spends a month touring around the USA with his friend Paul Genders. They visit Illinois, Colorado, California, Nevada and Florida. While in Nevada Mr. Methane sends Johnny Vegas a postcard from Las Vegas advising him to, “Hang Loose but always keep a Tight Sphincter!”
Dave Evans, entertainments manager at the University of Central Lancashire has got a cracking programme of events lined up for the Autumn term including up and coming bands such as Cast from Liverpool and Marion from Macclesfield. No Freshers term would be complete however without THE other Macclesfield act, professional farter Mr. Methane. MC on the night is Michael Joseph Pennington AKA Johnny Vegas. Johnny can’t believe Mr. Methane is off to Las Vegas the following week and gives him his new address in Glasgow saying in classic JV drawl, “I can’t believe your going to Vegas, Will you send me a postcard? I’ve always wanted to go to Vegas”.
Its Christmas again and time for Mr. Methane to visit Mark & Lard at BBC Radio Ones Manchester studios for a festive sing along, this year the ensemble of Mark, Lard, Cheese & Mr. Methane is boosted by Dennis on piano and American television presenter and newspaper columnist Katie Puckrik on vocals. It’s often rumored that this evening provided the light bulb moment that led to Katie Pukrik creating a fragrance-themed YouTube series and blog called "Katie Puckrik Smells". Katie Puckrik is best known in the UK for her appearances with Terry Christian on The Word, a groundbreaking and at the time – allegedly - very cool, late night Channel Four music show.
When London based show business agent Mike Malley gets a fax requesting “Man who can put out Flame of Candle with power of Break Wind” from the producers of Choujin Colosseum, a Tokyo Broadcasting System TV show in Japan he knows that it can be only one person they are talking about and - just like in the Macc Lads song - he picks up the phone to call Mr. Methane. A week later Mr. Methane is in Tokyo, performing for the first time on Japanese television. He feels that the audience do not appreciate his talents as they seem to be “Boooooing!” him however it transpires that “Boooooo” in Japanese means “Very Strong Wind!”.
Mr. Methane’s critically acclaimed appearance on Canal Plus show, “Oeil Du Cyclone” earlier in the year was a full blown success for both himself and the show to the extent that he is invited to appear on Nulle Part Ailleurs, by presenters Antoine Du Caunes & Philippe Gildas. Tonights show is no ordinary show, it celebrates 10 years of Canal Plus and as Mr. Methane’s “Oeil Du Cyclone” appearance was considered such a landmark event in the stations history that they just had to invite him. Similarities with Mr. Methane’s groundbreaking appearances on Swedish commercial TV3 are apparent.
Dutch comedy actor André van Duin duets to “How much is that Doggie in the window?” with Mr. Methane on his popular TV chat Show which is broadcast on RTL4 in Holland. Mr. Methane providing the Woof, Woofs.
Mr. Methane flies to Frankfurt where he meets up with American show business agent Chuck Harris. Chuck is a larger than life cartoon character who packs a different Mickey Mouse wristwatch for everyday of the week, smokes a ridiculously large cigar, wears crap jumpers that look like his Aunty has knitted them and carries a picture of the current US President in his wallet – it’s a long story and you’ll hear about it if you’re ever unlucky enough to actually meet him. Chuck and Mr. Methane are driven to Baden Baden where Mr. Methane is to make an appearance on Tabula Raisa, a show broadcast on the SWF Network in Germany. Chuck tells the production that Mr. Methane has two homes, one in London and one in LA and that they are both tired having flown from the West Coast of America to be on the show. Having actually flown economy from Manchester, England, Mr. Methane smells a rat and by asking a few questions when Chuck isn’t around soon deducts that there exists a big disparity between what Chuck is charging the TV station for his services and what he ( Mr. Methane) will actually receive for them. Hanging out with Chuck however is entertainment in itself and goes someway to easing the pain of being “Dog F*cked”. That evening - at dusk - as they both walk back to the hotel along a path through a park lit by gas lamps and surrounded by beds of shrubbery Chuck chews his Winston Churchill sized cigar nervously, surveys the vista and exclaims in a loud West Coast accent, “Hey back in LA you wouldn’t walk through here unless you was packing heat!” Mr. Methane decides to forgive Chuck, until next time that is.
While sharing a backstage dressing room during filming of HBO Network, Showtime 94 at the Montreal Comedy Festival an argument develops between Mr. Methane & comedian Bobcat Goldthwait. Mr. Methane has got tired of Goldthwaits silent but deadly (SBD) farts and the fact that he keeps trying to pass them off as the work of another fellow dressing room inhabitant, American TV talk show host, “Dick” Cavett.
No lasting damage to the special Anglo-American relationship is done however and afterwards viewers see Bobcat onstage describing Mr. Methane as the, “Only act that can follow him!”
Mr. Methane records a parody version of “In the Air Tonight” by English Rock & Roll star Phil Collins. A copy of Mr. Methane’s version titled “Curry in the Air Tonight” is sent out to Phil’s entourage for approval and ends up being played by the road crew during Genesis sound checks. It doesn’t however meet with the approval of Phil Collins personal & business manager Tony Smith of Hit & Run music who refuses to give permission for Mr. Methane to release his version of Phil’s song as a single.
It’s January 01st 1994 and an article about Mr. Methane appears on the front page of the London based Independent newspaper. The article explains how underwriters at Lloyds of London are not prepared to insure Mr. Methane against a loss of Pumping Power, with a spokesperson explaining that, “It would be as hard to prove a loss of pumping power as it would be to establish a loss of taste in a wine tasters tongue”. The article sets in motion a train of events over the next 12 months.
First of all Jean-Pierre Jackson from Alive Productions in Paris gets in touch. He is making a serious documentary about farting for a series called “Oeil Du Cyclone”, which will be broadcast by Canal Plus television in France. The only problem is filming starts tomorrow, can Mr. Methane make it? Of course he can, it is after all the beginning of January, a traditionally quiet time in the calendar of variety artistes, who generally book a cheap package holiday and clear off to the Mediterranean or somewhere equally cheap and cheerful at this time of year.
No sooner has Mr. Methane returned from Paris than he receives a call from Andy Nulman CEO of the Montreal Comedy Festival in Canada. Andy asks Mr. Methane if he can make it over for this year’s festival in August. Do Bears Sh*t in the Woods?
Marc & Lard have now been elevated from their once a week evening show on BBC Radio 5 to the lofty heights of BBC Radio1 thanks to its new controller Matthew Bannister. Mr. Bannister has assisted the removal of the BBC Radio1 Old Guard by either sacking them or helping them out of the door. Old household names such as Dave Lee Travis, Simon Bates, Alan Freeman, Bob Harris, Adrian Juste, Johnnie Walker, Steve Wright, Gary Davies and Bruno Brookes are gone or about to depart and new shows like the The Mark Radcliffe show broadcasting from the BBCs Oxford Road Studios in Manchester with Mr. Methane as its guest ensure that a wind of change really does blow through the radio station. In this case the wind of change being a selection of Christmas carols sung by Mark, Lard & Mr. Methane!
Mr. Methane is invited to appear on the Christmas edition of Late Night Live a Meridian TV broadcast from Southampton. Late Night live has pulled out all the plugs to kick off the Christmas season with a star studded show hosted by Mariella Frostrup and former BBC Blue Peter presenter John Leslie. Besides Mr. Methane the shows other guests include the real Mr. Blobby, comedian Charlie Chuck, presenter Dickie - World of Sport - Davies, actor Ian – Don’t Tell Him Pike – Lavender and another ex Blue Peter presenter John – Get Down Shep – Noakes. Regional television has never been so good for ITV viewers in South & South East England; the festive fayre on offer is simply stunning. After the show Mr. Methane gives Charlie Chuck a lift back to Rugby railway station where Charlie has left his car.
Victoria Martinez Atorrasagasti from the artistic contracting dept - international division – Antenna 3 TV, Spain, says she has got a busy few days ahead of her. Today she has just dropped Tom Jones off at Barcelona airport departures and is picking up Mr. Methane from arrivals, chaperoning him all day at the studio until tomorrow when she is up early to take Mr. Methane back to Barcelona Airport departures before shooting round to arrivals to collect Diana Ross. Mr. Methane ponders on this strange line up. Has he cracked the international TV A-List guest roster, was there a scheduling conflict or did they simply not have enough money for Tom Jones, Chris De Burgh & Diana Ross all in the same week? As he is working for an American agent maybe they bought two and got one free. Mr. Methane eventually concludes that he will never get to the bottom of this one.
Marc Riley ex band member of The Fall phones Mr. Methane after reading an article by Stephen Pile in a June edition of The Sunday Telegraph entitled “Ride the Wild Wind!” Marc explains that he co presents a show called, Hit the North on BBC Radio 5 with former 261 Piccadilly Radio DJ, Mark Radcliffe and he wonders if Mr. Methane can make it down to the BBC studios on Oxford Road in Manchester one Wednesday evening? Unfortunately Mr. Methane is touring with Bobby Davro and Linda Lusardi. Bobby is making a Blue / Adult Humour video which is being produced by ex Blue Peter presenter Peter Purves, things are at a critical stage and Mr. Methane says he can’t make it for a few weeks. Marc says this is cool and tells Mr. Methane to call when he’s finished the project. Eventually Mr. Methane makes it to the studio and stops the show with a tender rendition of the Diana Ross hit, Theme from Mahogany (Do You Know Where Your Going To?) which leaves Mark, Lard and the studio engineers unable to continue due to death by laughter. The interview is submitted to BBC Radio Fours pick of the week but is passed over as it is felt that Radio Four listeners maybe put off their evening meal by the sound of a man singing a duet with Diana Ross on his Botty Bugle!
While appearing on Granada TV show “Juice” Mr. Methane has a nice chat about the weather with a much stressed Elton Welsby in the Granada Television Centre car park. Elton is waiting for Manchester United footballer Mark Hughes and wonders if he’ll make it in time for their “Live” interview. Luckily Mark turns up in his penile extension of a sports car and Mr. Methane doesn’t have to offer up his services, which is lucky really as he knows nothing about football.
Mr. Methane is invited back to Sweden for another appearance on Tonight with Robert Aschberg, TV3 Stockholm. The show is billed as “The Return!” Sweden holds its breath in anticipation and is not disappointed.
Mr. Methane leaves the employment of British Rail and steps into his new role as a full time performing flatulist. His first assignment is to blow open the doors of censorship and launch Swedish TV into a new open era with a rendition of God Save the Queen in front of the Swedish Foreign minister on Tonight with Robert Aschberg, a popular TV3 chat show broadcast from Stockholm, Sweden.
Entertainments Manager Sean Morgan books Mr. Methane to appear in the Main Hall at the 1991 Manchester University Freshers Ball, also on the Bill that night is the well known ska band, Bad Manners. While backstage lead singer Buster Bloodvessel asks Mr. Methane if he can give the band a quick demo, Mr. Methane warns Buster and the boys that it might be a bit smelly as he hasn’t had a chance to clear his throat yet, he then proceeds to pump out a rendition of Happy Birthday that has legendary ska trombonist Rico Rodriguez desperately seeking fresh air through an open window.
Mr. Methane is back at Yorkshire TV for another episode of The James Whale Radio Show. Also appearing tonight is celebrated English comedian, Charlie Chuck. Mr. Methane & Mr Chuck hit it off together and establish a working relationship that sees them not just performing together at some of the UK’s worst venues but also helping one another out. Charlie a veteran of the circuit offers Mr. Methane invaluable show business careers advice on a range of entertainment related topics while Mr. Methane lends Charlie a few quid to tide him over and also writes “The Cup of Tea Gag”. This gag based on a real life conversation between Mr. Methane and his Dad goes on to be an all time Charlie Chuck classic, it even makes it to the small screen when Charlie appears as Uncle Peter on the BBC2 comedy series, “The Smell of Reeves & Mortimer”.
Mr. Methane contacts the Guinness Book of Records hoping to establish a number of new categories for feats of Outstanding Anal Endeavor such as, the loudest fart, the longest fart and the most farts in a timed minute. The books owners however decline his advances saying that they prefer activities which are "genuinely competitive!” A spokesperson for the book says, "We have examined Mr. Methane’s claims in detail, However I have to say that what he is proposing is not currently suitable for publishing in the Guinness Book of Records. We receive over 10.000 enquiries a year and only a very small proportion are used to establish new categories". Mr. Methane is left feeling a little deflated by the books categorical "Blow Out!" saying, "For a number of years now people have been coming up to me and saying that I should establish some sort of wind related record in the Guinness Book of Records, its what the public wants, but obviously not what the publishers want".
Mr.Methane makes his first national UK television appearance on The James Whale Radio Show at the Yorkshire TV studios in Leeds, first that is apart from the time back in 1978 when he was on Cheggers Plays Pop as a young schoolboy with a load of his Central School chums. According to Mr. Methane’s schoolboy diary Keith Chegwin provided all the hot air on this occasion and he got a “Nice Legs Shame about her Face” vanity mirror from a band called The Monks – Ahhhh the days of big budget record labels and their promotional give a ways.
Mr. Methane is booked to be a special surprise guest at the L’Arome perfume companies Christmas party in a hotel near Chester, however like a badly kept SBD the secret leaks out with Sun Newspaper reporting the forthcoming engagement on page 3 of its Dec 20th edition. The boss of L’Arome isn’t happy with the image by association that the story on Britain’s most viewed newspaper page sends out and so in an effort of supreme damage limitation instructs his underlings to pay Mr. Methane NOT to turn up. “You can understand his beef” says Mr. Methane, “Someone booked me thinking it would be a good laugh but once the Sun had got wind of the story it created a public association of our own unique but totally different brands with L’Arome coming out smelling of something which definitely wasn’t roses”.
Mr. Methane supports The Macc Lads on their “Bog & Roll Circus” tour, thus becoming even more unique in being not just the “Worlds Only Performing Flatulist” but also the only performer on the tour that was actually born in Macclesfield.
Mr. Methane makes his now legendary appearance at the Farmers Arms public house on Park Lane in Poynton, Cheshire where he is ably assisted on the microphone by MC Paul Genders. The night goes down in the annals of Poynton Folklore and a subsequent re booking in Dec sees the venue unable to cope with the crowds as Fart Fever grips the village of Poynton.
In August 1988 Mr. Methane transfers to Buxton motive power depot in Derbyshire. Buxton was a small close knit freight depot whose primary undertaking was to move large volumes of limestone from the nearby quarries. It is while working at Buxton MPD that Mr. Methane meets a fellow train driver called Paul Genders, who when he wasn’t driving trains or winning disco dancing competitions also played in a Macclesfield based Soul/Blues cover band called The Screaming Beavers! fronted by Dave 'Fat Bastard' Kinsella . Every Monday the Screaming Beavers held a club night at a local venue and Paul Genders invites Mr. Methane to appear on one of these evenings as a guest artist, Mr. Methane agrees. “I remember my chief reservation about this first truly public engagement being the prospect of upsetting or offending someone's spouse”, says Mr. Methane. “I needn't have worried though, the audience was breathless with admiration and the subsequent demand for performances was such that suddenly I saw a niche market opening up before my very eyes”.
Mr. Methane is on a course at Ladywell House, Preston, learning the finer points of the Brush Type 4 Locomotive, latterly referred to as a Class 47. This is a 2580hp, Mixed Traffice, Diesel Electric Locomotive of 1960's vintage. The course is thorough and comprehensive with schematic diagrams of all the Locomotives component parts and systems; in fact it’s safe to say that it’s a bit anal which brings us along nicely to what happens next. “We had just broken off for a quick cup of tea mid-way through the fuel system”, recalls Mr. Methane. “I think we'd just had an overspeed situation and the fuel rack had moved the helix into a no fuel position causing the engine to shut down, or something like that, whatever, I remember feeling that I had never had so much fun since the last time I had cleaned the oven and with that in mind I decided to inject a little humour into the proceedings with my long forgotten but thankfully just remembered Trouser Trumpet!.” Needless to say Mr. Methane’s Trouser Trumpeting was - unlike the class 47s fuel system - a runaway success and the source of much needed light relief among the group on that day. More significantly, word of his ability travelled around the then nationalised railway system like an uncontainable Bush Fire with “Lay Over” periods at far flung mess rooms resulting in requests for a quick tune on the Bum Organ from fellow traincrews.
Mr. Methane leaves the sixth form at Ryles Park County High School and starts work for British Rail a few months before his eighteenth birthday. Initially Mr. Methane is employed as a junior railman at Macclesfield Railway Station but upon turning 18 he moves into the line of promotion to Train Driver (Locomotive Engineer) doing spells based at Norwood Junction, Crewe, Longsight, Bury and Buxton. During much of this time the songbird is mute.
It all starts quite by accident at the tender age of fifteen. Mr. Methane is practising the Full Lotus position encouraged his Yoga loving sister when he discovers the ability to breathe both fore and aft, so to speak. The next day he gives a lunch time performance for a group of friends in the squash courts at Ryles Park County High School, Macclesfield, Cheshire, England. Twenty rapid fire rasping farts in under a minute is the order of the day, quite an achievement and so popular is it that this becomes a regular event, swelling Mr. Methane’s pocket money reserves. A full time career as a performing flatulist was at this stage not on the cards however.
Mr Methane will be letting rip on Norway's TV2 this Friday 06th December 2013 as he returns to make ...
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Check out Mr Methane's latest youtube video - Windy Wednesday - in which performing flatulist Mr Met...
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